When it comes to relationships, we all have our own visions of what we expect, whether you want someone who makes you laugh or gives you solid advice. But aside from what we look for on paper, there's another aspect of a relationship that matters—how well does your partner meet your emotional needs?
You shouldn't expect to fulfill all of your emotional needs in a relationship, your partner should be providing support in the areas important to you.
Unmet emotional needs can trigger certain behaviors that at face value may seem like other issues. Here are a few signs that your emotional needs aren't being met in your relationship:
1. You feel resentful
When your needs remain unaddressed or unmet, it is natural for the hurt that ensues to transition into resentment, irritation, annoyance, or anger," says Balestrieri. "Anger is Mama Nature's way of ensuring we don't let people disrespect or take advantage of us."
2. You try to minimize your needs
You may find yourself asking if your needs are unreasonable while trying to minimize them and pretend they don't exist. When you do ask for emotional support, it gets turned around, and you find yourself on the defensive.
3. You're withdrawing
When someone's needs are not being tended to, most people may put up a stink initially, But if their emotional needs remain unmet, it is only natural they would begin to retreat their investment in that person.
4. You're picking fights
You may also find yourself fighting for time and attention, whether that be picking fights, making demands, or getting caught up in logistics. If you are being critical and nitpicky, it may be because you don't feel emotionally fulfilled
5. You're seeking attention elsewhere
If someone feels unseen or unvaried over time, they may start seeking connections with others, whether platonic, professional, or romantic.
Just because your emotional needs are unmet right now doesn't mean they'll remain that way for the future, especially with the right type of communication.
Follow these steps to move your relationship forward and clarify what you need:
Step 1: Identify your needs
First, check in with yourself and uncover what your emotional needs actually are. How can your partner understand what you need and want if you don't understand yourself? Do an emotional needs inventory on yourself—be honest about what you need—and update it often.
Step 2: Communicate those needs clearly
You might be quick to blame your partner for not being there, but look inward first—have you been clearly communicating your needs? It is easy to get stuck in a mindset of expectation, especially when you've been in a partnership for a while and expect your partner should know what you want and need, when you want and need it.
Step 3: Provide a solution
In many cases, a partner believes they are helping out, but they're actually missing the mark. Help them out a little, and give them a bit of blueprint, if you know what would allow you to feel like your needs are sufficiently being met.
For example, you might say something along the lines of, When you tell me not to feel sad, I feel dismissed. I know you're trying to help, but I really need to sit with these feelings right now. Are you willing to sit with me while I cry?
Step 4: Designate a time to check in.
Your needs may change over time, and rather than reacting strongly in a heated moment, create a time to check in with each other and how each of you is feeling.
Getting your emotional needs met is important to both your relationship and your personal well-being. Recognizing the specific types of support you desire—and being able to communicate them clearly—can help encourage an emotionally fulfilling relationship.
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