When flirting well, the recipe is honesty with a drop of innocence, as well as a mild level of deception (expressed in flattery). A good flirt cares for others —by listening to and showing interest in them—while at the same time not taking their partner too seriously yet always appearing confident. In other words, successful flirting requires high emotional intelligence.
There is no formula for successful flirting, but there are characteristics that increase its chances of ending well.
Here are some characteristics of flirting - (in order of importance)
Nonverbal behavior including the right amount of eye contact, smelling good, and smiling;
Intelligence expressed in humor, wit, level of education, and interesting conversation;
A gentle approach including respectful, mature, and polite behavior;
Cheerfulness relating to companionship and fun;
Romantic intent associated with sweetness and tenderness;
Courage and determination accompanied by confidence and persistence;
Commonalities of values and fields of interest, enabling smooth dialogue;
Good looks generating an initial attraction
A mysterious allure encouraging a continuation of the bond
The characteristics generating effective flirting mainly refer to a mode of behavior. There are no techniques that one must learn by heart, it is best to adopt a candid and gentle approach. The need to present yourself positively is understandable, but to praise, glorify and exalt yourself is wrong; actual behavior is more important and humility is much more attractive. It would certainly not be smart to talk about how many partners you have slept with or how good you are in bed when flirting with someone new. These features can wait for the relationship to develop.
There are gender differences in successful flirting. Women perceive a respectful and gentle approach as one of the three most important factors in flirting (alongside good nonverbal behavior and intelligence). Men rate good looks as one of the three most important factors in flirting (alongside kindness and intelligence). For men, flirting has a more sexual character. When women flirt, they use a richer variety of nonverbal behavior including smiling, eye contact, touching their partner, and other kinds of body language.
Today, when many relationships begin on dating sites, where messaging and texting are used as the initial communication, intelligence is required to continue flirting. On dating sites, we are mainly impressed by pictures and the quality of messaging.
Words have a significant romantic value.
Mystery is effective in flirting. We should distinguish between flirting for the purpose of having casual sex and flirting aiming to form a romantic bond. Change and novelty, which are significant in mystery, are important in generating sexual desire. However, flirting aiming at a romantic relationship should reveal a commitment to invest time and effort for nurturing the relationship—creating a feeling of uncertainty in the other is not necessarily advisable.
Flirting is indeed attractive, but relationships that begin with insincerity can be harmful: when the messages are too vague, potential partners can misinterpret them; and when messages are too blunt, they are damaging. The line between innocent flirting and blunt sexual demands is often unclear, and its violation is frequent.
When people are asked about the way they flirt, most of them describe vague and mysterious behavior that does not reveal much about them. However, when the same people are asked about their preferences of others flirting with them, they prefer sincere and open behavior.
Flirting involves both intrinsic enjoyment and the goal of establishing a relationship. The seducer’s goal is sex and an efficient manner of getting it is behaving in a vague and nonconventional manner.
Flirting adds spice to our life and supports positive attitudes toward other people. It may involve flattery, but it is subtle and enjoyable flattery that is closer to praise than to a lie.
Flirting is subtle: It is typically not an explicit sexual activity, but rather an enjoyable, gentle prelude or substitute for it. Flirting has elements of intellectual teasing flavored by emotional play. During flirting, each partner’s soul is stirred, thereby enabling the two souls to respond to each other.
People can, of course, improve their flirting technique, but more important is maintaining gentle and respectable behavior. A big smile and open heart would suffice for a good beginning.
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