Candlelight, poetry, and Paris. It all sounds like true love and what relationship dreams are made of.
Relationships should be romantic; at least that’s what we think. First, let’s look at where romantic ideas originate.
Blame it on how we were raised and what we watched as kids. Research shows that kids who watched more romantic TV programs (like soap operas) had stronger beliefs about men's and women’s roles in relationships, and dated more people.
As you might imagine, Disney also gets some blame, with research showing how Disney films have strong romantic themes.
But it’s also what we’re still watching. Those who watch more romantic comedies have more romanticized beliefs about relationships. Watching more relationship-focused TV (shows like The Bachelor, Love Island, and Love Is Blind) was associated with less relationship satisfaction and experiencing more conflict.
It’s clear that romantic themes make for good entertainment, but those same ideas in our own relationships may be harmful. Though being romantic in your relationship sounds positive, it does encourage counterproductive behaviors. That’s right, the same behaviors you find sweet, endearing, and essential for relationship happiness are harmful.
These romantic beliefs sound like they’re setting you up for success, but in reality, set you up for disappointment.
Love Conquers All –
This may be the most romantic belief of them all. All you need is love. If you love your partner, you can overcome any obstacle. Sounds hopeful and optimistic. It is, but it’s also plain wrong. Love is certainly part of a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. However, it’s only one part, a single piece of the puzzle. There are many other key pieces: respect, caring, kindness, support, understanding, communication, trust, enjoying your time together, and friendship (to name just a few). Make no mistake, a partner who truly loves you also provides all of that. Love by itself isn’t enough. It’s merely a start. Putting too much emphasis on love and believing it conquers all encourages you to minimize many problematic aspects of a relationship. Love isn’t an excuse to tolerate mean, inconsiderate, or abusive partners. You also want to avoid falling in love too quickly and with the wrong person.
Relationships Should Be Perfect-
Thinking that your true love will be perfect and that your relationship with that person will be perfect sounds, well, perfectly romantic. Yet, it’s completely impractical and sets you up for inevitable disappointment. Your partner will say and do the wrong thing on occasion. Your partner isn’t perfect. You aren’t either. Perfection is a myth. Here’s the real problem: Expecting perfection leads to overlooking your perfectly great relationship. The solution is to stop pursuing perfection, and instead seek excellence. Everyone deserves a great relationship, but realistically, even great relationships aren’t perfect.
Ultimately, we’re reluctant to do things in our relationship that don’t feel romantic. Taking an honest open look at our relationship doesn't just feel unromantic. It feels like a betrayal of some sort. But it’s not. If it’s really true love, it can take a little scrutiny. A great relationship can also withstand higher expectations, natural imperfections, putting yourself first, rejecting jealous behaviors, and focusing on fulfillment. Relationships that can't, end up adrift in love and suffering in failing relationships.
There’s nothing more romantic than a strong healthy and fulfilling relationship. The funny thing is that getting there often requires rejecting the misguided lessons of love we’ve mistakenly labeled as romantic for far too long.
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