It’s natural to blame and judge someone for having broken our hearts. Blaming others is a protective way to avoid blaming ourselves. It can be a way to avoid responsibility for our part of a troubled relationship. But blaming ourselves or others doesn’t help us heal. It just keeps us spinning our wheels rather than healing.
Some betrayals, such as infidelity, come out of the blue. We assumed everything was fine, but our partner was dissatisfied or not as committed as we thought. Our sense of reality becomes brutally undermined when we discover that our partner has strayed into the arms of another, whether their heart was captured or it was just about sex.
It takes a lot of courage to consider the possibility that we may have contributed to their betrayal. Perhaps we didn’t listen when our partner expressed their feelings or concerns.
We might have minimized our partner’s feelings when they tried to tell us they weren’t feeling heard or appreciated. Perhaps it was too upsetting to hear that we hurt someone we love, so we tuned out their verbal or non-verbal expressions of discontent.
It doesn't help to stay stuck in blaming and accusing. If we want to repair broken trust, it helps to take responsibility for any part we may have played that led to a betrayal, however small it might be. Even if we just want to move on with our lives rather than try to repair the relationship.
It’s natural when we feel betrayed to express our pain through blaming and accusing. But at some point, to heal- especially if we want to repair broken trust, we need to be willing to face our pain directly, without blaming and shaming our partner.
It can be a long and winding journey, but yes, there is life after betrayal. Most importantly, be gentle and patient with your process and give yourself whatever time you need to heal. This is a time when self-love is most vital.
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