👉Blame Shifting or Abuse?👈💔

In some cases, blame-shifting in relationships is a sign that a couple needs to work on their communication. In others, it’s a form of verbal abuse

Blame-shifting is a defense mechanism where one person will avoid accountability for something they said or did, and instead deflect the fault onto someone else. 

It’s entirely normal for couples to argue, the key is knowing how to do it correctly. In a healthy relationship, partners will admit when they’re wrong and apologize. Sometimes, however, one partner might blame-shift if they feel cornered, wrongly accused, attacked, or simply have problems taking accountability. 

Blame-shifting in relationships is most likely a sign that a couple needs to work on improving their communication, but in extreme cases, blame-shifting is a form of verbal or emotional abuse. 

At its most basic level, blame-shifting is a defense mechanism used as a response to an accusation. In some cases, blame-shifting can be an emotionally abusive tactic or behavior. 

Blame shifting is typically done when one person has a complaint or frustration, and the receiving partner finds a way to shift the blame back, taking the focus and accountability off of themselves.

Blame shifting can harm your relationship because it shuts down all communication between partners, or can cause even more conflict. 

This can often lead to escalating arguments because the original person making the complaint or frustration can get angry that the blame is shifting to them instead of being heard.

Narcissists and abusers use blame-shifting as a pattern of behavior that typically doesn’t ease up. This allows them to avoid any accountability for their behavior.  It’s also a tactic to exhaust you as they will argue their points of blame towards you until you give up.

Examples-

• Your partner has done something to upset you, and instead of apologizing they act like they’re the victim and paint you as a bad person. 

• Your partner minimizes or invalidates your feelings, so the problem is no longer their behavior, but rather the fact that you got upset. 

• Your partner will ignore the point you’re trying to make, and instead starts an argument about your tone, choice of words, or timing. 

• Your partner guilt-trips you and uses a traumatic experience from their past (unrelated to you) as an excuse for their behavior.