It seems that everywhere we turn, we see and hear about unhappy people, and their unhappiness stems largely from what they feel is missing in their intimate relationships. I have overheard complaints about relationships in grocery store lines, restaurants, waiting rooms, and even on park benches (“He’s so sensitive, he can't even handle me joking around about my past boyfriend!”). So many people go about their lives like the “walking wounded” because they are emotionally drained by the drama in their intimate relationships.
Drama is stimulating to our minds, just as junk food is to our tastebuds. We find ourselves being tempted to gobble it up when it presents itself, yet programming our brains to think that relationships have to have drama destroys relationships.
Here are four ways to stop drama from becoming relationship destiny-
1. Manage your toxic thoughts about your partner. If you’re telling yourself over and over again that your partner is irresponsible and lazy, what feelings are you going to have about them? Bad ones. You’re going to feel like you’ve hooked up with an irresponsible, lazy person. How could you not?
2. Do random acts of kindness. One good way to keep things fresh is by remembering to commit to a few random acts of kindness for your partner throughout the week. These meaningful deposits into your shared positive-emotion bank account will bring you and your partner closer. Seek to do at least one nice thing or random act of kindness for your partner each day: Give them a 10-to-20-minute back massage. Pick them up something they like to snack on. Read a book out loud or listen to their favorite music together.
3. Watch out for problematic alcohol or drug use. Alcohol and other substances may create a relaxed mood, but when inhibitions are limited, filters do not work, and partners can say and do things that are springboards to intense drama and hurtful behavior.
4. Lead with empathy for calm, constructive conversations. Whenever there’s a problem, there’s a strong chance that both you and your partner share responsibility for it. If you keep blaming only each other, you both avoid responsibility—and the more you blame each other, the more negative energy and drama you create. Instead, look inside yourself, and try to understand where your partner is coming from before you blame them. Have a calm, rational, and honest conversation with them. The more you can calmly talk things out, the less your ego can try to destroy everything with drama.
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