People in committed relationships are often in places where they might encounter attractive strangers. At work, while grocery shopping, at the gym ... it's hard to imagine individuals in relationships not having at least an occasional conversation with interesting, attractive, available people who are not their current partner. These chats could be friendly, informative, or transactional — but what if the stranger flirts?
We cannot control how other people interact with us, so if they flirt, does it matter? Is it only the case that our own flirting makes our relationships vulnerable, or do strangers' actions shape our relationships as well?
For most committed partners, casual interactions with attractive strangers pose little threat to their relationship stability. This is in part because commitment includes a suite of unconscious behaviors designed to keep them oriented toward their partners.
Studies show, active flirting is a lot harder to ignore than photos or the mere presence of an attractive person. Hence the reason that many relationships end in infidelity or one partner being "stolen" by another person.
Being the target of someone else's flirtations shapes relationship thoughts. When a stranger starts flirting with us, we are more likely to to start fantasizing about them. We may also start to perceive the stranger as more attractive, and have less attraction to our partner.
Simply being the target of another person's flirting has the potential to introduce vulnerabilities into the relationship.
Rarely does love happen in isolation: Instead, our relationships operate within busy social worlds.
How we navigate these social worlds may reflect our relationship commitment, but when others start flirting with us, our basic biases toward our partner start to weaken. In other words, it's not our own desires that alone can begin a dismantling of romantic commitment: Other people's active expression of their romantic interest in us can creep behind the wall of commitment that usually keeps our eyes on our partners.
Even though people may feel attraction to a stranger or have a brief negative view of their partner, but this does not necessarily translate to relationship-threatening behaviors. This is where removing yourself from path of the flirting stranger is likely needed to not cause your relationship harm.
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