What attracted you to your partner in the first place? The answer might be a personality characteristic such as a sense of humor, some people would admit they were drawn to their mate through pure physical attraction without knowing anything about the person behind the pretty face. Most people fall somewhere in between.
Because it takes two to tango, partners must maintain a shared willingness to keep the magic alive, as well as a realistic picture of what that will involve. One way to rekindle romance is to focus on admiration and appreciation, as opposed to false flattery.
The road to real romance is grounded in reality, not unrealistic images of what society portrays it means to be in love.
This is especially true when couples falsely believe they should always agree, or the relationship would improve if their partner would “change.”
Obviously, couples cannot possibly always agree because they are different people with different views of the world and life experiences.
With respect to the false hope of change, people are unlikely to change their basic personalities.
Relational red flags signal trouble, alerting both parties that the dynamics of their interaction need attention. But unfortunately, many couples are color blind until after a relationship is already established.
Assuming red flags signal discontent (and not danger), minimizing the disruptive impact of fault-finding involves factoring in the positive aspects of the relationship as well.
Irum Saeed Abbasi and Nawal G. Alghamdi (2017) examined the factors that characterize the process of falling out of love.
They note that it is much quicker to fall in love than fall out of love—which usually takes place over time. They explain that as couples develop a love relationship, they are likely to ignore factors that might eventually impact the union.
Couples who want to rekindle romance need to take a fresh look at their partner. A couple must accept each other as a mix of favorable and unfavorable traits, because vulnerabilities such as temperament, personality, and attachment styles may never change.
Marriage counseling can help spouses recognize enduring traits, as well as the need for marital adjustment, which can contribute to an effort to sincerely give marriage another chance.
When fresh eyes see both the bad and the good, partners can focus on the positive, unique appealing traits that fueled the fire at the beginning of the relationship.
Stay in love by staying grounded, realistic, and resilient.
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