🎁Is It Really “the thought that counts” When Buying Gifts?🎁

Buying gifts can often leave us feeling caught between our hearts and pocketbooks. We may try to comfort ourselves by saying, “It’s the thought that counts.” But in my research on gifts people love, I’ve never seen much evidence that your good intentions when buying a gift have much impact.

Fortunately, it is possible to buy inexpensive gifts that people will truly love, but it’s not about your thoughts and intentions; it’s about seeing the person as they want to be seen, and then using the gift to build a deeper connection with them.

Getting this right often takes a little more work than just buying someone something connected to a hobby or interest of theirs; you need to find just the right thing that is connected to their interest.

Pulling that off often requires you—brace yourselves—to talk to them at some length. To help someone feel truly seen, you have to truly look.

Let’s say you’re buying a gift for an avid home cook. Don’t just ask them to name a kitchen gadget they need; really delve into what they love about cooking, what their favorite dishes are, what their favorite tools are, how cooking is different on weeknights vs. when company is coming, what their frustrations are in the kitchen, and anything else you can think of. With that kind of deep knowledge, you can figure out the perfect thing.

And to paraphrase Dale Carnegie, the secret to closer friendship isn’t  being interesting; it's being interested. So, even if you miss the mark a little with the actual gift, they’ll love it more because it will remind them of the conversation in which you were genuinely interested in them.

This brings us to our second attribute of loved gifts:

They either remind the recipient of a past connection with you, or foster a future connection, or both.

When I asked people about the gifts they love, the loved gifts were often things that the gift giver had once owned. For example, people often talk about loving a watch, or even a hat, that had first been loved by a parent or relative and was then gifted to them.

One of the best ways to do this is to use the gift as a way of spending time with the other person.

This works with people of all ages, but younger children and older relatives are often especially receptive to getting some quality time as part of the gift. Don’t just give someone a game; find time to play it with them. If the recipient is a young person, let them teach you how to play. Don’t just give an older person an empty scrapbook; make time to sit with them and fill it up together. Even if the gift wasn’t loved the instant they opened it, it will become loved once the recipient sees it as a bridge that connects the two of you together.