Generally, high schoolers experience better mental health than younger teens, but they also struggle with a mix of strong emotions. The transition from high school to adulthood is an intense one, leading to sadness, grief, anxiety, anger, panic, and joy, all at the same time for most teens.
Here are some things your seniors may be afraid to tell you, and how you can help them this year:
1. They are really sad about leaving home.
No matter how much you’ve argued over the last few years or how many times they’ve threatened to leave as soon as they graduated, they are sad about leaving their family.
Tell them that leaving home doesn’t mean leaving forever. You will always have a home for them, and they can come back any time for any reason. Holidays will not be far away. Promise to visit them, wherever they live.
2. They are terrified of adulthood.
They may be driving, earning money, and making many independent decisions, but they find the idea of being an adult (e.g., paying bills, cooking, cleaning) overwhelming.
Promise you will help them navigate it all. Don’t put all the responsibility on them. No 18-year-old has it all figured out. Your child needs to know they can call you at any time to ask for advice and help.
3. They find relationships more challenging than expected.
They’ve had friends, they may have dated, and it’s been more drama and heartbreak than they’d anticipated. Some have experienced betrayal, trauma, or infidelity. Some are afraid to trust, just as they are leaving home and are expected to navigate adult relationships.
Reassure them that relationships are complex and difficult for everyone, but you will always be there to listen and support them. Try to accept whomever they date or befriend.
4. They are anxious about the future.
They don’t truly know who they want to be,and there’s been enormous pressure to decide. They are panicking about making the wrong choice.
Talk to them about how anyone, at any age, can change their mind about majors, jobs, and even careers. Nothing has to be set in stone. And you will support any choice they make as long as they are happy.
5. They don’t know how to ask for your advice, but they still badly need it.
They think they are still a child if they need to ask how to do something.
Tell them you are happy to give advice at any time they ask. Offer unsolicited advice, even if they roll their eyes. Studies have found that parental support and advice help teens make better decisions.
6. They don’t know if you approve of them, and they are really worried you don’t.
They are still struggling with self-esteem. So much of the last few years has been about discovering who they are and changing into their true selves, but they are not sure if you like the new person who emerged.
Give specific praise, like, “I like how you put this outfit together,” or, “I’m proud of you for driving for two years without any tickets.” Value them as a person. “I am really interested in your opinion on this article," "I enjoyed hearing your thoughts last night on this topic.”
7. They sometimes feel very depressed and hopeless about life.
It’s perfectly normal. The world feels unstable and dangerous at times. It’s more frightening when you are young and have less control over your life.
Tell them you understand. Hold them and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Tell them you love them and always will.
8. They don’t know how to ask for hugs. They are older and shouldn’t need those anymore, right?
Ask if you can hug them. All the time. They need your hugs and your love more than ever. A recent study of over 1,600 teens and their parents showed that parents who had a warm relationship with their younger teens continued to maintain that relationship with their children into adulthood. Snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie together. Cuddle in a blanket outside on the porch and look at the stars and talk about how you will miss them next year. It’s okay to let them know how much you love them. They need to hear it.
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