One-in-four people experience a mental health problem in any given year and of these, a lot of couples will find that mental health problems become an unwelcome addition to their relationship. When looking through their distorting lens you can start to feel that there is a problem with the relationship - or with one person within it. So, how do you manage?
Here are some of the things that may work for your relationship-
Make sure you see the difference between your relationship and your mental health problems.
You”re a team, facing it together.
The better you both understand what is going on, the easier it is to help. If your partner hasn't had depression (for example) they might not understand why you can't just pull yourself out of it. Or they might worry that it’s something they have done. It helps to try and find a way to describe it in a way that you’ll both understand.
My depression makes me feel needy and over-dependent. But these are negative experiences you might have in a relationship anyway. So it really helps to remember that they are a result of the depression.
Whatever works – use it!
We can all find ways to make it work
At some point in our lives we’ve probably all felt as though a relationship with the right person should be perfect. If it’s difficult we worry that there’s something wrong.
But that isn’t true, relationships take management. We can all find ways to make it work. Some of the ways you find might be unique to your relationship – and that’s fine.
Use whatever works for you. Don’t feel weird if you think your tools are different to other peoples – if they strengthen your couple 'team' then that’s always valuable.
It definitely isn’t easy. There have been times when it is desperate, exhausting and miserable. Mental health problems have a way of sneaking into the most precious places and sucking out the joy. But overall honesty, resilience, understanding and love is much stronger as a result of standing shoulder-to-shoulder against the enemy when things are hard.
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