Fall is summer’s hangover. During summer we’re often busy with vacations, events, outings, and cruising through the long, action-packed days of our relationships.
Sometimes all that holds a summer connection together is a Labor Day trip to Sea World. Enough distraction can make the most dysfunctional relationship last too long. Often a willing, warm body is better than the quest for a new one.
And for those longing for a summer wedding of their own — or at least an engagement — the end of summer brings the realization that it won’t happen for another calendar year.
“Of all my mistakes, you were the mistakiest.”
People take this moment to end things because the idea of spending another holiday season unhappy is unbearable. According to social media status updates, the first seasonal breakup peak, coined the “Spring Clean,” goes down in March. But the biggest love purge falls about two weeks before the winter holidays.
Fall is love’s laxative. At least grab a turkey leg on your way out.
Dumping someone over a holiday like Thanksgiving is harsh. And doing it over the December holidays makes you diabolical. But it yields classic tunes like “Blue Christmas” (Elvis), “Another Lonely Christmas” (Prince and the Revolution), “Last Christmas” (WHAM!), or the lesser known classic “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” (Tom Waits). The list of holiday breakup songs is long, each marinated in tears and mulled wine.
Breakups suck. And if you don’t do it by the New Year, you’ll be a Valentine’s Day dumper, which results in bad karma. So if you’re not willing to stick it out through the candy hearts and edible undies, then you’ve got to detach in early fall. Many are too oblivious to take note of any relationship discontent.
“… We interrupt this relationship to bring you football season.”
I’d love to convey all the scientific attributes to the fall peak in breakups, but love doesn’t make sense. Neither did the Pilgrims. Nonetheless, the coming season is a check-in marker: Do I want to spend the New Year with this person? The holidays can be quite stressful on romantic relationships due to time constraints, high expectations, financial strain, and how to politely decline turkey bacon or fruitcake. Celebrating meaningfully is hard to do with someone you’re ready to break up with, or who’s ready to break up with you.
Dating apps typically report January as the biggest spike for new members. And the first Sunday in January (aka, “Dating Sunday”) is the most active day of the year, driven by a mix of New Year’s resolutions and loneliness.
If things must end now, at least you’ll have a couple of months to grieve before reinventing yourself, full of verve, in the New Year. There are other upsides to a fall breakup. There’s a good chance you'll have family and friends on whom you can lean over the Holidays. Misery loves company and family.
And though you may be asking yourself with whom you’ll play Naughty Santa or kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve, remember that you probably haven't always been part of a love duo during the holidays. But there are tactics to get you back there.
Be Down to Forgive. Forgiveness is simply giving up the hope for a different past. They may not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve peace. Forgiveness takes only one person: you.
Change small behaviors to change your moods. If you change small post-breakup behaviors, it will change your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Volunteer. It’s the perfect time to start a giving tradition.
Make movement a priority. Set aside the Halloween candy, candied yams, and powdered rum balls, and hit the gym.
Fill your social calendar. Not with binge-drinking events like Oktoberfest or SantaCon, but substantial time with people who matter.
Do the opposite of what anxiety or breakup breakup depression is driving you to do, like texting your ex. Observe your emotions, rather than acting on them, to prevent regretful actions. Opposite action helps regulate emotions by intentionally going against what the emotion is driving you to do.
Closure is optional. In the middle of pain, the shortest route to ending heartache is seemingly with the source. But it's not. It's within you, not your defector.
Don’t date just to avoid being alone. This results in just another rebound.
Seek counseling if your emotions are starting to interfere with daily life functioning, including work or sleep. There’s no shame in the support game.
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