“Parting shots” are insults hurled at the end of a relationship, for example, “I never loved you,” “You’re a narcissist,” or “I wish I never met you!”
The origin of the term “parting shots” seems obvious but isn’t. “Parting” didn’t originally mean departing a partnership with someone you were partial to. It’s short for “Parthian shot,” a reference to the practice of ancient Persian warriors who, in retreat, would turn around to shoot at their pursuers.
Lets survey some of the reasons parting shots come so naturally to us.
‼️The Bitter Truth, Come Too Late‼️
Sometimes relationships end with a partner exposed as a liar or adulterer who you should never have trusted in the first place. You’re left with so much you wish you could say to the person you thought you knew but didn’t.
‼️Lots of parting shots are justified‼️Some of the most justified are the least satisfying—for example yelling, “You never listened to me” at someone who never listened and still isn’t.
‼️A Piece of My Mind, Now That We've Given Up on Peace‼️
In relationships, we often bite our tongues to keep the peace. When released from the commitment of the relationship, we’ll be tempted to voice the pent-up thoughts that would have ruined the relationship.
Parting battles often start with one party breaking their vow of kindness, and the other party joining in, as in, “Oh, if we’re going to be perfectly honest, I’ve got a few things to say too.
‼️All's Fair in Love Until It's War‼️
Relationships are gambles, an iffy bid for some kind of happily ever after—perfect, sustainable intimacy, kindness, and honesty, a dream that doesn’t always come true. To feel safe in intimacy, we want both sweetness and honesty, two sometimes incompatible responses. Sometimes it’s hard to find words both honest and kind. When things are going well, we’re happy to share credit, but if things fail, we’ll tend to want to assume it’s our ex’s fault. Romantic idealism makes it easy to pin the partnership failure on an ex. A parting shot can be as simple as accusing your ex of being unkind and/or dishonest, as if one can always be both.
‼️I’d Rather Fight You Then Lose You‼️
When one partner is done and the other isn’t, parting shots can be a way to try to draw the withdrawn partner back into intimacy, either shaming them into accommodating us or, if not, getting them to stick around for a parting battle—which isn’t loving, but at least it’s interaction.
‼️Suddenly, No More We‼️
Relationships are like ships navigated by two people toward a destination, each party advising the other on how to do their part. If the relationship gets rocky, the advising often escalates—lots of “process” conversations, debates, and even nagging. And then, with a breakup, suddenly the ship is no more. Each sails toward their respective destinies.
You might be tempted to make a smooth transition from intimacy to friendship.
That’s not likely to happen. It’s best to take a break from communicating if you can. Stop trying to make sense of what happened through parting shots, rants, and battles dressed up as civilized neutral conversation.
It may seem outrageously cold to transition from intense intimacy to silence or being cordial, it may be the kindest thing you can do for each other.
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