We all deserve to have an authentic experience of love. Misrepresentations of it can lead us away from what we really want. Here are three myths about love you might need to unlearn, according to mental health research.
1. Opposite poles attract.
The typical rom-com scenario of two diametrically opposed individuals falling in love with each other and living "happily ever after" is statistically inaccurate.
This does not mean that different people cannot fall in love with each other; it simply means that the differences aren’t the reason for their bond. The simple, boring truth is that similarity and compatibility in values and priorities are what ensure a long and satisfying relationship.
Then what is it that makes us choose partners so different from us? There are two possible reasons-
Yin-yang thinking: This is a thought process that mistakes the volatility of an "opposites" relationship for love. While the differences could add to the drama and spice in your relationship, they might never give you the peace, comfort, or security that love should ensure.
Childhood experiences: People who are attracted to the "opposites attract" school might be emulating relationships they saw when growing up—such as having extremely dissimilar parents.
2. The teen fantasy
You might cringe at popular teenage media like Twilight and Wattpad fanfiction now, but most of us have had our fair share of problematic teen fantasies growing up. But what if these fantasies were still influencing our adult relationships?
It’s important to look inward and understand whether the way you view your relationships is problematic and possibly being informed by your teenage self.
We cannot blame our younger selves for not knowing better. However, if we do not address the root of the issue, we might end up following the template well into adulthood.
3. Till death do us part
This one might be especially painful for the ones still rooting for Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn. Relationships, even the most beautiful and loving ones, may not last forever. And even when they do, the dynamic of the relationship can change dramatically.
For instance, people may not want to live together or stay monogamous anymore in their marriage or long-term relationship. While changes like these might be uncomfortable to make or even consider, they can ultimately feel most liberating and authentic.
The urge to "open up" your relationship to a non-monogamous arrangement does not necessarily signal the end of love. In fact, it could mean that both partners love and trust each other enough to experiment with novelty.
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Love should be what you want it to be. However, it is undeniably complex and dynamic. Tying yourself down to a one-dimensional image in your head that has no room for you or your partner’s desires may burn your relationship out.
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