The holidays can trigger a wave of sadness and anger about your divorce. They are a painful reminder of how things used to be and how different your life is now. So what do you do?
If you are in the middle of your divorce, your schedule or parenting plan may not be done yet. You and your soon-to-be-ex will need to plan for the holidays several weeks or months in advance.
Recognize your emotions and talk with a close friend, a family member, or a counselor so that you don’t have to bear them alone. Then it might be easier to share your children’s excitement as they prepare to leave your home for the celebrations. Keep the holidays cheerful for the sake of your kids. Remember that the divorce is just between you and your ex and that your kids’ holiday experience should still be a happy one.
Make a plan with friends, or help at a homeless shelter if your kids are with your ex. Don’t isolate.
Put your legal divorce process aside for the holidays. You can pick it up again in January. Setting aside the stress of the process will allow you to focus on what really matters during the season.
Take care of yourself during this stressful and painful period. Eat healthy food you love, and take a walk every day.
Try to remember that things will get better, and that next year will probably be easier.
Children can feel a sense of loss during the first holiday season after a separation or divorce. In addition, they may feel caught between you and your ex. They might worry about the parent they aren’t with or miss them. They might feel guilty about a parent spending the holiday alone. They may be caught in a loyalty bind.
Don’t compete with your ex with gifts or rituals. Work together with your spouse, if you can. Coordinate your gift-giving and share the time.
Understand that this season is tough for everyone, including your ex, and your kids need your permission to enjoy the holiday even if you aren’t there. Prioritize your kids' emotions above your own.
Encourage your children to make cards or gifts for their other parent. It sends them the important message of giving while taking them out of the loyalty confusion when you encourage their relationships with each of their parents.
Parents who don’t spend the holiday together should make a plan well ahead of time and create new traditions with the kids. For example, if you aren’t celebrating together, the kids could be with one of you on Christmas Eve, and then with the other on Christmas Day. Talk to your children about the plan, and give them time to express their feelings while also reassuring them that you and your ex will still make the holidays wonderful, but just different.
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