Are the arguments between you and your partner normal? Do you have more rough patches than good times together? Obviously, those are trick questions — there isn't one "right" or "normal" way to deal with conflict in a relationship. Just as some couples claim to never fight, others argue often and still maintain a healthy connection (after all, there can be benefits to arguing with your significant other).
How you and your other half interact during heated conversations can determine relationship satisfaction. A 2019 study published in the journal Family Process revealed that happy couples don't actually argue less often than unhappy couples, but they do argue differently.
So how can you replicate what the satisfied pairs do when you and your partner don't see eye to eye? Experts suggest striving for a 5:1 ratio. Here's what that means and how to apply it to your relationship.
The concept grew out of research by Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute and Robert Levenson, which studied romantic partners during conflict. The happy couples had more positive interactions during these times of conflict than negative interactions — five to one, to be exact.
In other words, to maintain a healthy relationship, even when you're upset with each other, it's important to have at least five positive moments for every single negative one. Couples who exceed this number of negative interactions are more likely to break up, according to the research.
The 5:1 ratio sounds great and all, but what actually counts as a "positive" or "negative" interaction?
According to The Gottman Institute, positive interactions include showing interest in each other's feelings, holding hands, expressing appreciation, joking (though never at the other person's expense), and offering a heartfelt apology, just to name a few.
ANegative interactions might look like criticizing each other, acting defensively, stonewalling, or using sarcasm.
f you or your partner struggle to fight fair during disagreements, a few simple tweaks can help turn pettiness into positivity.
First, though it's generally a bad idea to bottle up your grievances, delaying a discussion for at least a few hours may offer a chance to cool down and process what happened.
Finally, monitor your own behavior and work on improving yourself — not your significant other. Even if your partner strays from the 5:1 ratio, continue modeling the positive interactions you want to see more of in your relationship.
Comments