New relationships can be tricky. It is likely that your method of communication will be via text message. With texting, you don’t have the eye contact, body language, or sharing physical space. You have to rely on a few words that pop up on your phone screen to figure out whether or not someone’s interested.
In the early stages of a potential relationship text message tennis begins- the back and forth of text messaging.
There’s excitement when you get that first text message: “So cool to meet you. Hope you’re having a good day.”Maybe they’re really interested; otherwise, they wouldn’t have texted me. And you text them back “I’m having a good day. How about you?”
You check the phone every few minutes to see if they’ve responded, frustration getting the best of you when you realize there’s nothing. You think: What the heck? Why would they text me and then not follow up? This is ridiculous.
You go from feeling frustrated to annoyed, and you think maybe you’ll forget about them when, a new text message pops up on your phone a few days later. There’s excitement and your heart skips a beat as you read it. “Sorry, I got busy. What are your plans this weekend?”
Now you’re hopeful because clearly they’re hinting at getting together. You reply “Don’t have much planned. What about you?”
Silence. Again.
You go right back to frustration and annoyance, as you wait for the person to “serve the ball” again, and this pattern repeats several times. After a few weeks, you don't know them any better, and you're no closer to meeting in person. But you can’t seem to stop playing the game.
Playing text message tennis can lead to unhealthy thought patterns. You over-analyze and overthink every single text message, hoping to figure out their strategy and create a new one for yourself. Why haven’t they texted me again? Maybe I should wait to text them, they’re going to think I’m desperate. But what if they think I’m not interested? How long should I wait?
These thought patterns can trigger anxiety, which will likely interfere with your daily life. Concentration and focus can become a struggle and you can’t seem to fully disconnect from your phone and resume doing all the other things that make you happy.
The emotional ups and downs of inconsistent communication can be addictive and can trick you into staying in the game.
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