One of the most frustrating situations in a relationship is when your significant other does not want to talk. Whether it stems from anger or apathy, the silent treatment is no fun. So how do you get your other half to open up? Or should you simply respect the silence? Let’s see what research has to say…
They began by recognizing the withholding of negative feelings as a form of covert, destructive conflict.
Rittenour et al. noted that even without an emotional flareup, interpersonal displeasure could manifest through denial, such as insisting everything is “fine” or disengagement.
They said that by definition, the silent treatment is motivated by a desire to keep the recipient uncertain as to his or her status in the mind of the silent partner, which they note makes it more difficult to weather than more unconcealed forms of expressing grievance or displeasure.
But what if remaining silent is not malevolent but benevolent? Couples should certainly consider times when silence might save a relationship.
Most people have said something they wish they could take back. Whether speaking out of anger or insensitivity, sometimes our emotions get the best of us.
Remember the “Count to 10” trick before you speak out of emotion? Similarly, some partners use silence to avoid saying something they will regret.
When a partner is silent, you need to know why. He or she might have stopped communicating out of anger or apathy. But also consider that some partners might stop talking not to be mean but to maintain their relationship. It depends on the circumstances.
In a long term relationship, both partners will be familiar with each other's conflict management style. Some couples take a time out; others talk it out.
So when one partner needs some space and silence, extend the benefit of the doubt. Take the time to reflect on the positive aspects of your relationship and how it can be improved, and come back refreshed, recharged, and prepared to re-engage lovingly.
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