Imagine this scenario: “Why’d you put mustard all over my fries?” Jack asks. Then Jill replies, “Well, you should’ve told me you don’t like mustard!”
This is an example of how often times people deflect ownership of their behaviors and play the blame game. Is Jack responsible for his now mustard-covered fries, or should Jill have taken responsibility for her behavior?
Taking responsibility in your relationship is the acknowledgment and ownership of every action and word you say and do.
Taking ownership and responsibility for your actions is an important part of healthy relationships. Doing so is an empowering reminder that you have control over the role you play in your relationship. Taking responsibility creates trust and dependability.
When you take responsibility for your behaviors, you demonstrate to your partner your willingness to be honest and vulnerable, which in turns encourages your partner to be open and authentic with you.
Your partner learns to take responsibility when they own their behaviors and hold themselves accountable to their actions.
1- Be Honest
You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others.” Being honest with yourself begins with a healthy sense of self-awareness. And being self-aware means you acknowledge that what you say and do impacts your partner.
For example:
Referring back to the mustard situation, imagine you’re Jill. A healthy response would be to take ownership of her actions and respond with something like, “Oh, I’m sorry! I should have asked you before I added mustard. I did not realize you didn’t like mustard, and this is my mistake.”
2. Act on Situations, Don’t React
When people are held accountable for their behaviors, they often become defensive. Getting defensive is a reaction.
When you act on a situation, you can respond with clarity and awareness. You can practice acting on situations instead of reacting by taking deep breaths or counting to ten. It also helps to take a second and look at the situation from your partner’s perspective. It can be hard to think from the other perspective, especially in the heat of the moment.
By being honest with yourself and your partner, you can effectively respond by taking responsibility.
For example:
Jill is reacting to Jack being upset instead of acting on her need to take responsibility. Acting instead of reacting allows you to clearly define a self-aware and honest answer to an unhealthy behavior.
Taking responsibility for your behaviors in your relationship requires honest and open communication and a willingness to address unhealthy excuses with your partner. They’re not always easy discussions to have, but you’ll find that doing so builds trust within your relationship over time.
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