Some of these reasons are more benign than others.
They all have something in common; they prevent your relationship from working.
1. He doesn’t listen
Sometimes people don’t listen because they simply do not want to hear you. Other times, they’re trying to process their emotions and become distracted.
Human beings, generally speaking, are bad listeners. We think we listen well. In fact, 96% say so, but, in reality, we only retain about half of what others say. HALF.
Combine that with an emotionally charged conversation, and it’s a recipe for not hearing each other in profound ways.
What’s going on with your husband?
Does he tune you out?
Does he shut down and stop listening?
Does he get overwhelmed and miss what you’re saying?
Try to jump in and dominate the conversation?
Whatever the reason, it prevents the two of you from getting on the same page.
2. He’s emotionally immature.
This is a biggie. Emotionally immature people are fundamentally bad communicators. They cannot have a serious, productive conversation.
They’ll either brush the entire experience off with jokes or become defensive, deny they’ve done anything wrong, and refuse to engage in the conversation.
If your husband is emotionally immature, he may be choosing to misunderstand you as a way to avoid a conversation he’s not equipped to handle.
Why?
Maybe he didn’t learn how to express himself appropriately growing up or was raised by emotionally absent parents.
Some people shut down and disappear in the face of confrontation.
Emotional immaturity can cross the line into emotionally abusive territory.
If your husband also has a habit of bullying or name-calling, reckless behavior, abusing alcohol after a fight, or denying things occur when they did, you should seek help and safety away from him.
This is a bad situation for you.
3. He’s easily offended.
If your husband gets angry easily, he might take the slightest whiff of criticism from you as a full-on attack and react accordingly. That is 100% his problem and not yours, by the way.
You can’t fix that for him.
Sometimes, in the face of an overly reactive partner, we temper our own feelings and walk on eggshells to avoid setting them off.
It might feel like a good solution at the moment, but this is like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound. It will not hold.
Marriages are difficult. There will be times when you have to have uncomfortable conversations with your spouse.
He has to learn how to do that maturely and productively.
4. He’s lashing out.
It could also be that your husband is lashing out at you. Maybe he feels attacked, or maybe he’s hurt and wants to reject you before you can reject him.
Either way, this is a red flag.
If you catch yourself in this situation, step away and give each other space to cool off.
Don’t try to argue with him. Just walk away. Give yourself time to calm down and come back later.
Once the dust settles, talk about what happened with the conversation itself.
“Hey, I feel like you lashed out at me when I tried to talk to you the other night. Can we talk about it?”
At the bare minimum, your partner has to be open to that conversation. If they aren’t, where does that leave you?
5. He’s overly sensitive.
There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive. Sensitivity can be a good thing.
But if your husband is overly sensitive, he might misinterpret things you say and then blow up over them.
He might even make up stories about you and your words to justify his anger.
Instead of interpreting your conversation as a way to gain clarity and strengthen your relationship, he’s imagining a full frontal attack on his self-esteem and reacts accordingly.
Again, with the eggshells.
Eventually, he has to learn how to manage his sensitivity and overcome the impulse to react so emotionally.
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