Making up “rules to not drink” is a little game many drinkers are too familiar with. I am often impressed by the amount of creativity a drinker can demonstrate when coming up with rules to not drink.
Here are a few examples of the things I have personally heard or attempted to use starting with the generic ones:
*not drinking on weekdays
*not drinking hard liquor
*not drinking before 7 pm
*not drinking more than 10 drinks per week
and the list goes on.
Then there comes the more creative ones:
*lock up all the liquor and make your partner hide the key
*not take a drink without putting a $5 bill in a jar first
*not take a drink without doing 30 jumping jacks first (please don’t try this one)
Did any of these rules keep them from drinking? Sadly, no. At least not for a very long time.
It makes sense. Naturally, when something in our life starts to cause concern, our first thought would be to address the behavior behind it.
For example, if we worry about our weight, we would most likely set behavioral-based goals, such as eating less or exercising more. We tend to focus all our attention on fostering behavior changes because they are visible and obvious.
The same logic applies to alcohol related concerns. When we or people around us start to notice that drinking becomes the obvious source of problems in our life, naturally, we would focus on finding ways to change our drinking behavior. However, there is a pitfall in a solely behavior-focused approach.
When we focus only on “not drinking,” we address what is on the surface without attending to the roots. It’s like treating a flea infestation by hiring an exterminator, but without removing the rotten animal corpse acting as a host.
The roots of our behaviors are beliefs, which are powerful forces that guide how we feel and act. For example, many people consciously or subconsciously believe that alcohol relieves stress. As a result, we desire a drink after a hard day.
So someone may have consciously made up a rule to not drink on weekdays, but their beliefs continue to bring up strong cravings when they wish to unwind after a work day. Going against our own desires can not only make a behavior change short-lived but also can often lead to feelings of unhappiness.
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