Good, healthy relationships are typically built on things such as open communication, mutual respect, loyalty, and trust; but when someone in the relationship doesn’t stand up for the other one, the entire relationship as a whole can be brought in to question.
It shouldn’t matter who you’re around or who you’re talking to—friends, family, colleagues, etc.—your partner should be able to rely on you no matter what, and vice versa. The truth is, not having your S.O’s back can be detrimental to your relationship.
Below I’ve broken down three things: the importance of having your partner’s back, what happens when you don’t, and what to do to navigate tough situations and make sure you both come out together, on top.
Don’t tell others certain things about your relationship. You and your S.O aren’t going to agree on everything—though you should both be able to calmly talk through disagreements like adults—but those disagreements should stay between the two of you and no one else. If you let the entire world know that you’re annoyed with your partner or don’t agree with them, you’re inviting in opinions from people who have no idea what it’s like to be in your relationship. The only people who should be involved in any relationship matter are the ones in the relationship.
When you let the entire world know that you have your partner’s back, you’re proudly displaying the fact that you’re a team. When this happens, outsiders won’t get any glimpses into any potential cracks or weak points in your relationship, and they won’t be able to use any of those cracks or weak points to their advantage.
Show loyalty . Having your partner’s back is a huge show of loyalty because it demonstrates the fact that regardless of who it is and where you are, they know they can count on you. This show of loyalty also strengthens trust in your relationship. When your partner knows that they can count on you to stick up for them whether they’re around or not, it reiterates the fact that they can trust you to do right by them and the relationship when they’re not there.
Not having your partner’s back will be extremely damaging to your relationship. Not having your partner’s back will ultimately lead to questioning of the entire relationship as a whole. Think about it like this:
if you allow someone to disrespect your S.O in public in any way, shape or form, what do they think will happen when they’re not around?
Boundaries are so important in any relationship, and when you allow a disrespectful line to be crossed once, it could potentially spiral into something more, and worse.
Additionally, not standing up for your partner can also lead to them questioning your support, as well as how much they can really rely on you. After all, if you don’t have their back, how are you supposed to support them in any other area of their life, and can you really be trusted? Think about how you’d feel if the roles were flipped. You’d most likely be wondering whether or not you and your partner are on the same team.
If you feel as though your partner doesn’t have your back, the first thing you should do is talk to them about it. Communication is key in all relationships, and romantic ones are no exception. Be upfront and honest with them about how it makes you feel when they don’t stand up for you, try pointing out how they’d most likely feel if the roles were reversed. Someone who wants the relationship to work should be willing to hear you out and work on it. Just remember, it’s unfair to you to constantly be questioning whether or not you’re with someone you can truly rely on when push comes to shove.
Now, if you want to make sure you’re standing up for your partner, 100% of the time, one of the easiest, and biggest things you can do is stop going along with any jokes about them in public. Once you stop going along with any funny comments, jokes, or sarcasm, they will eventually stop. Any of those things will only be entertaining if you allow them to be.
You shouldn’t allow anyone to disrespect your S.O—family members included. Things can get tricky when family members are involved because we often feel a strong allegiance to them. They’re people we’ve most likely known from birth, and it can be confusing sorting out when they’re just being them, and when you need to step in and say something. I say this all from experience because I come from a very sarcastic family. Growing up in that kind of environment made me desensitized to how hurtful repeated sarcastic jabs can really be, and trust me when I say that I am under no illusion of how difficult it can be when it comes to navigating this with family members.
If you find your family is constantly teasing or taking sarcastic jabs at your S.O, show your support for your partner by ceasing to laugh at or go along with any of them. You can’t control the way other people act, but you can control how you react to it and protect your relationship. On the other hand, if you find that someone in your family is repeatedly making snide comments about your partner, make sure you let that person know either then and there, or in private, that you won’t stand for it.
At the end of the day, if you’re serious about your relationship, making sure your partner, along with the entire world, knows they’re your number one priority is something you should want to do. You shouldn’t want to or be okay with anyone disrespecting your S.O, and having their back is something that should feel natural.
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