When it comes to dealing with heartbreak or breaking up, it doesn’t matter whether you’re the one who’s been dumped or you initiated the breakup. It hurts either way. For this article lets focus on infidelity.
The common reaction to infidelity in romantic relationships is to experience overwhelming grief, physical pain, confusion, sadness, rage, etc. However, sometimes, people who have been cheated on by their romantic partners may experience an entirely different range of emotions.
This is where hysterical bonding becomes significant. So, if you’ve recently been cheated on by your beloved and you’re not experiencing the normal range of emotions and reactions that you should be, read on.
The deep desire to win back one’s partner’s affections post affair is called hysterical bonding. This is most common with infidelity.
Let’s look at signs of hysterical bonding after an emotional affair and/or sexual affairs. Here are the signs:
You find yourself constantly thinking about the specifics of the sexual encounter(s).
Strong feelings of self-doubt by the one who has been cheated on.
Deep urge to forgive your partner no matter what they do, just so that they’ll stick around.
Strongly wish to do whatever it takes to win them back.
Strong feelings of desperation.
A need to satisfy your partner sexually.
Sexual experimentation to win back your partner.
Feeling that your sex life has improved significantly.
You find yourself initiating sex more often. Greater assertiveness in the bedroom.
Let’s get into the key causes of hysterical bonding:
1. Processing the infidelity (forgiving your partner)
Your end goal is essential here. If your end goal is about forgiving your partner for the betrayal as soon as possible, then you’ll likely engage in hysterical bonding.
Remember that forgiveness should be for you.
2. Belief that impressive sex life is key to commitment
A good sex life is very important in a romantic relationship. But sex isn’t the only important aspect.
You may attribute the infidelity to unsatisfactory sex. That’s why people engage in hysterical bonding and try to compensate for their perceived lack of sexual satisfaction through sexual experimentation.
3. You find your partner to be very desirable
A lot of people often believe that their partner cheating on them means that their partner must be a very desirable and attractive person to others. This, in turn, makes the partner who has been cheated on engage in hysterical bonding tendencies.
4. You attribute the infidelity to something you’ve done
Low self-esteem (from one or both individuals in a romantic relationship) can lead to a lot of issues. The partner who has been a victim of betrayal may believe that they weren’t good enough for their partner.
5. “Claim back” your partner
People who are hysterical bonding often believe that there are certain ways to mark one’s territory and think that a way to claim back their partner is by having sex with them.
6. Intimacy/connection is equivalent to sex
Many people are under the impression that intimacy is synonymous with sex.
Sex alone isn’t an adequate replacement for connection and/or intimacy.
Here are ways to successfully cope with and overcome hysterical bonding:
1. Process your feelings
The thing about hysterical bonding is that along with the weird feelings, you also experience the common feelings associated with a breakup. Not rushing through the processing part is essential. This is about you.
2. Focus on yourself
When you experience the tendency to engage in sexual experimentation, a great way to not do that would be engaging in mindfulness-based self-care habits.
3. Is forgiveness the way to go?
Focus on forgiving yourself first. Your priority doesn’t need to be about forgiving your partner first.
4. Take time apart
Behaving as if nothing has changed and everything is A-okay with your partner immediately after the infidelity is really not the way to go. It sets the perfect situation for hysterical bonding to occur.
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