Certain signs that someone may not value you or your relationship are easy to spot.
A common one is not asking you about your feelings, life, or what’s important to you. This can look different depending on the relationship.
When someone doesn’t value or respect your feelings you may feel like you need to walk on eggshells around that person and that you generally don’t feel seen or heard.
They interrupt you often or it might just be a feeling you notice you have when you’re around them.
Other signs may include if they:
don’t value mutuality in the relationship
fail to show any interest or curiosity in you or your life
have a different agenda for the relationship than you do
don’t ever seek you or your opinion out
ignore the impact of their actions on you
don’t respond to your requests to change their behavior
In some cases, these actions don’t mean much if they happen once in a while. It may be the other person is having a tough day or needs some support.
But if they’re emotionally unavailable most of the time, then it becomes an important sign to pay attention to.
The person may minimize, dismiss, invalidate, or ignore your feelings.
But what about not caring versus not recognizing how you feel? If someone’s trying to understand you they’ll often stay in the conversation with you, even if it’s an argument.
But some people who live with trauma or other mental health conditions may have an impaired capacity to connect with other people.
They may care about you but don’t have the tools to form meaningful bonds. It’s not a personal choice, but instead a result of the condition they live with.
So, when someone doesn’t value how you feel or isn’t active in the relationship with you, is it because they lack empathy? It can be.
Signs that the other person has low empathy:
cutting you off emotionally
walking away and refusing to discuss your feelings, even after they’ve calmed down
shutting you down while you’re speaking or cutting you off from speaking
speaking to you in a condescending, devaluing, or disparaging way
Is it personal?
The short answer is: maybe. It may be personal, but it isn’t you.
The key is to observe how the person responds and interacts with others. Is there a pattern? Has anyone else shared similar feelings about how that person behaves?
If you’re the only person they treat this way, it may be personal. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It may be they just don’t feel close to you or are compatible with your personality.
Regardless of the cause, it may be helpful to realize that people don’t change unless they want to and make active steps to do so.
It may not be up to you how this person acts and it’s important you protect yourself, too.
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