If you’re looking for lasting love, if what you were doing worked, it would have worked by now. Perhaps it’s time to listen. If lasting love was easy to find, we all would have found our forever partner by now. The fact is, it’s anything but easy. It’s complicated.
What do people need to do to find not just any partner but the right partner for them? Here are a few insights:
1. Trust Yourself.
The secret to finding lasting love is to trust your intuition, your knowing. You are the expert of you. You are the one who knows what makes you happy. If you feel you are talking yourself into a relationship, that's a "no." Know who you are, know your worth, and you'll never settle for less. When you've found your "person," you'll know it: mind, body, and soul. Your intuition will never steer you wrong. Trusting yourself and honoring how you feel will ultimately bring you to the love waiting for you, not just any love, but the right love for you.
2. You Can’t Hurry Love.
The biggest secret to finding lasting love is clear expectations and clear communication. We have seen so many rom-coms and fairytales that we begin to believe the myth that love is just going to fall into our laps. Lasting love happens slowly, in small increments and there’s no fast-forward button.
3. What Gets You Together Isn’t What Keeps You Together.
The strategies that help you attract a partner aren’t the same ones that support a fulfilling long-term relationship. When dating it’s easy to focus on “Do they like me?” But for long-term success, the better question is “Are they good for me?” For lasting love, emphasize friendship, connection, and compatibility. Don't get distracted by superficial physical qualities. When finding a partner we emphasize excitement, but lasting love is more about comfort, stability, and security.
4. Love Is a Contract.
The secret to lasting love is understanding the game. Love is much more about skill, than luck. Lasting love doesn't just happen. The negotiation for commitment begins with the first text. And the "lasting” love contract gets renegotiated for years with good communication skills and boundary setting. Love can be learned.
5. Be Intentional.
If you want to find lasting love, it’s time to start dating intentionally. That means taking a step back and reflecting on who you are, what you want, and why dating hasn’t worked out for you yet. What are the patterns and behaviors that have been holding you back? Are you too picky? Not picky enough? Ask some close friends for feedback if you’re struggling to identify these on your own. The sooner you identify your dating blindspots, the sooner you can overcome them and find the relationship of your dreams.
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