We've all heard the term "midlife crisis."
What exactly is a midlife crisis, though? Our idea of one may be distorted by movies showing a "stereotypical," over-exaggerated definition. We’ve all watched scenes where a middle-aged man pulls away from the gym in his Corvette with a younger woman sitting in the passenger seat. It's a scene that's come to define a midlife crisis, and what many people often think up in their minds when hearing the phrase.
It's marked by a shift in behavior and actions based on stressors that are influenced by age, time, marital status, unresolved issues from the past, fear of missing out, and most importantly, fear of death. Many times, it is a behavior burst that occurs prior to settling down.
Usually, the individual may act out of angst, be more impulsive and reactive, and make out-of-the-ordinary decisions. They will appear to be more defensive, especially when confronted about actions. There is a tendency to be attracted to people, objects, and environments that have high zest and appeal.
A midlife crisis most often occurs due to unresolved issues from the past and/or the urge to act on an impulse that has been dormant. If someone has low self esteem or a need to compete with those they feel are living a more desirable life, that may also increase the tendency to engage in midlife-crisis behaviors.
This life transition as one that is often accompanied by high anxiety, self-doubt, depression, and existential angst. It's common for people to reevaluate their life choices and make decisions that are "out of character" for them. It's at this point where impulsive behavior may enter the picture. Quitting a job, starting a new relationship, or engaging in more high-risk activities can occur
A midlife crisis, simply put, is a period of emotional turmoil in middle age (40-60) for a strong desire for change. "This 'crisis' is a period of large-scale change where a person experiences a lot of confusion and uncertainty about their life purpose.
Just because someone purchases a Corvette at 50, it's not necessarily a midlife crisis. Not everyone that makes a big decision between their 40s and 60s is going through a midlife crisis.
A midlife "crisis" may not always be a crisis, but an opportunity to look inward, reflect, and begin a healing journey. This transition can be overwhelming and difficult at times not only for the person going through it, but also for the people in their life. Although it can be challenging, it can also be an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
A large component of this involves not wanting to miss out on what the world has to offer before death as well as a possible lack of connection to some form of faith or spiritual practice.
If you know someone going through this it's important to understand there is something occurring that is deeply distressing to that person. Making fun of the person may lead the person to become even more rebellious or distant.
It's important to move past embarrassment. Most people feel a lot of shame and stay silent about doubting their current life. Having a safe non-judgemental person to talk to can help
Other helpful steps:
Acknowledge new behaviors are occurring with the person. Verbalize this and avoid using the term “midlife crisis” unless the person uses that term to describe their experience.
Get support. Consider couples or family counseling as well as group therapy.
Be patient and draw upon your own self-care practice to maintain what you have.
Acknowledge your feelings are valid, and avoid criticizing, judging, and yelling.
If you plan to end the relationship: avoid doing it on impulse, anger, and urgency.
Realize that healing from this is a long journey. In many cases, it can be equivalent to a feeling of trauma in some individuals.
This is a difficult time, and it will take some time to work through all of the confusing emotions and decisions. As with many new experiences and life changes, it's helpful to find positive aspects.
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