There are a lot of misunderstandings and misconceptions about forgiveness. Let me share with you what forgiveness is not-
Forgiveness is not a feeling. If it were, we would rarely forgive others because we would not “feel” like it.
Forgiveness is not a weakness. A lot of strength is required to acknowledge pain, declare it, and forgive it.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending it didn’t happen or hiding from it.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. The phrase “forgive and forget” is not reality.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing a wrong. And it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. We can forgive the person without excusing the act.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. Reconciliation may follow forgiveness, but we can forgive an offender without reestablishing the relationship.
Forgiveness is not based on the wrongdoer’s actions. Even if the other person never apologizes and asks for forgiveness, we should forgive.
Forgiveness is not conditional. It’s not an If you do this…this…and this, then, and only then, I will forgive you.
Forgiveness is not justice. Justice usually involves an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, an apology, and some form of reward or punishment. Forgiveness should occur whether justice is withheld or not.
Forgiveness is not about changing the other person, their actions, or their behavior.
Forgiveness does not mean trust. Forgiveness should be freely given, trust must be earned, trust must be built with consistent truth telling over a period of time.
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