To keep a relationship thriving, intimate partners make sure they do not betray, that they work as a team, master communication skills, satisfying sexually, work towards the same dreams, and support each other in times of hardship.
Yet, even if these well-established rules are followed, many relationships still falter.
In the shaping of a new relationship, most people understandably focus on what they love about the other person and push aside potentially sabotaging behaviors that can become deal-breakers as the relationship matures. They feel that the strength of their love will be able to easily deal with these behaviors. Sadly, that does not always happen.
1. Ownership
Partners do not own each other. They may reasonably expect to be a high priority but not the automatic first choice in every situation. Though the first few months of new love do promise that “always come first” expectation, life requires other situations to take precedence, and great partners feel secure during those times of understandable absence.
2. Exploitation of Vulnerability
Too often, a person lost in the difficulties of life will attract a rescuer who comes in to help to “fix” the situation. Too often, that fixing is what the rescuer wants the other to be, not what is best for the relationship.
3. Pressure to Change
If one partner uses bribery, threats, coercion, threatened abandonment, ghosting, gaslighting, pressure, seduction, over-talking, or any other kind of pushing to get the other partner to subscribe to a way of life that is not good for them, the result is never positive. The “pushed” partner may appear to change outwardly but is more often angry on the inside, angry at themselves for selling out to the emotional blackmail.
4. Score-Keeping
People score-keep when they fear they are being treated unfairly. They can be that way from the beginning, or suffer too many unmet expectations.
5. Promises of Unconditional Love
Promises made by any partners that they will always be there no matter what, are doomed to fail. Life choices change, demands come and go, obligations arise, conflicts go unresolved, and dreams shatter or reform. The chosen partner knows that they matter but never expects to always be supported and sacrificed to in every situation and at all times.
6. Expecting to Always Be “Number One”
Interesting and interested people make the most successful relationship partners because they live life so fully. A primary partner has every right to be included and informed as to what their partner thrives upon, but never to believe that relationship will fulfill all that the other needs to thrive.
7. Perfect Compatibility
New lovers often turn themselves inside out to prove to one another that they will always want the same things at the same time in the same places as the other.
8. That All Outside Dimensions Will Mesh
New lovers live in a bubble. No one else matters and all other obligations are put on a back burner wherever and whenever possible.
Comments