If you are human and you are in a relationship it is inevitable that, at times, you will be angry with your partner.
I tell couples that if you never hear the neighbors fighting, it probably means that they have stopped caring about each other, they have moved, or that you should call 911.
If it is not safe to be angry in a relationship, it is not a safe relationship.
If a couple considers ways to constructively manage anger when they are emotionally and logically in a calm state, they give themselves tools to understand triggers, avoid escalating reactions, and defuse verbal aggression in the middle of a clash.
This is the stated understanding between partners that they love each other, value the relationship, will not physically threaten or harm each other, will not say the “unsayable,” and will prioritize each other's privacy.
When a couple knows they love and trust each other, they have a relationship safety net. They can find a way to manage differences and angry clashes.
It takes two to tango. Consider stopping to ask yourself, “What am I feeling and why?
"Why am I reacting with anger? Am I tired, stressed, or hungry? Am I overreacting? Am I provoking my partner because the day was a nightmare?"
Clarifying the reason you feel angry for yourself can change your feelings. Clarifying the reason for your angry reaction to your partner can change the emotional climate between you.
It is often important for couples to know that it's there's not necessarily an incompatibility between them, but that they could be in a tough situation in other parts of life. In the face of a family crisis, loss, or hardship, most people are triggered, and it is their partner, the closest person to them, on who they take out their worst feelings.
Knowing that with grief,pain, and loss there is often anger displaced onto your loved one can help you “make meaning” and lower the tension together.
“Why are we arguing? Think of what we have been facing."
Once you are done with a disagreement, let it go. You may think that telling your partner one more time the reason you were angry is part of letting go. It is not.
Once you are in a positive mood or enjoying yourselves, you have to reset your bond. Don’t disrupt it. Let it remind you of the best of you. It is a way to build appreciation and connection.
In the big scheme of life, attitude and gratitude play a major part in relationship happiness.
Do you and your partner love and care for each other?
Do you both give voice to what you appreciate in each other?
Do you laugh together?
Do you hug? Do you kiss?
If your answer was yes, you have the reasons to find a way to manage the clashes between you.
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