Most people in relationships expect their relationship to be exclusive—no other partners. Most want their partners to be romantically and sexually “faithful.”
Some people are definitely more prone to cheating. If you and your partner started a relationship together before you both were free from prior relationships (“mate poaching”), there’s a greater chance that one partner will cheat in the new relationship.
Cheating is habitual. Stray once, and it's easier to stray again. Choose someone who has strayed in past relationships, then you have to understand that they might stray again. Not always, but...
There have been a number of studies asking people about their motivations for recent acts of infidelity. There are four main reasons:
Sexual dissatisfaction (the person wanted more frequent sex or more variety—something different).
Emotional dissatisfaction (loss of positive feeling for their primary partner; drawn toward another because they developed trust and self-disclosed private information).
Neglect (feeling rejected or overlooked by primary partner).
Anger (desire to harm or punish partner for mistreatment).
Others have also emphasized the importance of opportunity. Opportunity is necessary but not sufficient. In fact, most people effectively resist the appeal of an attractive other.
However, if there is no attractive-other person around (or available online), then infidelity of course can’t happen.
We should not underestimate the power of opportunity, especially in situations in which we feel less responsible or unlikely to be held accountable. Being intoxicated, at a wild party, or far away from home (where you are feeling anonymous) can lead to infidelity.
It’s important to understand that even people in satisfying relationships can engage in infidelity. We are complex people, and the draw of an attractive person showing interest in us is a powerful thing. No single relationship can address all the needs of a given individual.
And novelty?! Even if it's not as good as what we have "at home," new interactions without the baggage of history and the familiar are often incredibly difficult to resist.
In fact, if you are trying to resist engaging in infidelity, recognize that flirting and especially reciprocated attraction can be slippery slopes. Back away!
Monogamy often takes considerable amounts of conscience effort—the will to resist something or someone who draws us toward them, especially at times when our relationship is becoming a bit of a slog.
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