If you ask any married person how their wedding experience was, you might hear a story that blows your mind. In other words, there is something about a wedding that brings out the bizarre in us. In my clinical work, I have been told of relatives dropping dead on the dance floor, people getting drunk and making scenes, significant others who have boycotted the affair for different reasons, grooms having sex with bridesmaids or other women in the wedding party, and women running off with old boyfriends, leaving their current partners behind.
While we cannot control everything in our lives, most wedding mishaps seem psychotically induced by the nature of the event itself. And it’s not just a future “mother-in-law” who is to blame… although it certainly can be. The following are a few of the reasons for problems at a wedding:
1. Change
A wedding is an event that symbolizes the end of one lifestyle and the beginning of another. Soon to be spouses who have problems with this developmental shift, for whatever reason, may act out by pulling out of the wedding at the last minute. If you talk to enough people, you will find a surprising number of individuals who have been left at the altar by someone. To avoid marriage; some partners have left the country or completely disappeared never to be heard from their friends and family again. Most of these people are conflict avoiders and those who shame easily.
But it’s not only the potential partners who may act out with change, parents or relatives may try to destroy it either consciously or unconsciously.
2. Loss
This is a specific type of change, but it is different enough to have its own category. Those who perceive the wedding as a personal loss may exhibit unexpressed grief in a twisted or inappropriate manner.
3. Guilt
Some people may feel guilty over their loss and punish themselves for it; others around them are simply collateral damage.
4. Anger
I once went to a wedding that was filled with people who did not have a good relationship with the parents of the guy who was getting married. Mingling with the guests I heard several say something like. “I don’t know why I was invited to this. I can’t stand these people.” Of course, no-one asked why they accepted the invitation, but they did have a point. Angry people will retaliate in some way.
5. Envy
Those who are envious make bad wedding participants. Whether there is jealousy between in-laws or between participants and guests, this never turns out well.
6. Ambivalence
Anyone conflicted about the wedding, either the partners, parents, or guests may cause a scene. Ambivalence here is synonymous with internal conflict about what is taking place.
Ambivalence is tricky to decipher because there are usually two opposing views expressed by the same individual.
Weddings are very emotional events that signify growth and potential, but they also shed light on sensitive wounds that have not been addressed.
Sitting back in our unconscious the pieces of these wounds may slip through enough to create symptoms that make one’s special day special for a whole lot of other reasons.
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