Everything except this very moment is uncertain. When you go to bed at night, you expect your car to be where you parked in the morning. In reality, you don’t know that it will be there until the morning comes and you find it in the same place.
Most people don’t acknowledge all of the uncertainties that truly exist. If your car isn’t there in the morning, you deal with it then, rather than worrying all night about whether or not it will be there.
Relationships are also uncertain. You don’t know what will happen in a month, a year, or a decade.
You may struggle to believe you are lovable and deserving of a secure, lasting relationship because of trauma and old wounds from your past. Whatever the reason, being in a relationship that you constantly fear will end is extremely painful. You may be on high alert that you could get hurt, and you may spend a lot of time trying to know the future before it happens.
The desire to have certainty makes sense. You want to feel prepared. The problem is, you can’t know the future before it happens no matter how much you think about it. You’re wasting a lot of head space and energy trying.
Instead, learn how to be present in your life, trusting that the future will come and you’ll deal with whatever it holds when you get there. When you’re able to be present you can engage in your relationship by allowing, instead of controlling. Allowing means seeing where things go and how the future unfolds.
Trying to control the future eliminates the chance for things to grow.
The following tips will help you handle uncertainty and help you let go of control, so you can enjoy your life and your relationship:
You may notice that you’re overthinking, analyzing, or imagining the future and trying to know what’s going to happen. You may notice that your breathing is shallow or other sensations in your body. Awareness in the moment is key.
Surrender to the fact that you don't actually know what's going to happen, what your partner is thinking, or what they meant by the way they looked at you the other day. Whatever the uncertainty is, you just don't know.
Remind yourself that when you can know, you will know, and you’ll deal with whatever it is. Give yourself a pep talk and remind yourself that it’s OK not to know more than you do right now.
Breathe. Imagine letting your worries, analysis, and fantasies fall away.
Shift your attention to something else. Think about something interesting, do a task that requires your complete concentration.
All that worrying and overthinking exacerbate anxiety and lead to dysregulation. Breathing exercises will help you get regulated and be more present.
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