When trust has been damaged or destroyed in a marriage, the rebuilding process takes a huge amount of patience, skill, and–above all–time. Restoring trust in your marriage is literally a relationship makeover.
You and your spouse must work together over time to rebuild the trust you lost, and both of you have a lot of work to do to get there. But with determination and an absolute commitment to restoration, your marriage can be healthy again.
You might not realize it now, but if you’ve been betrayed by your spouse, you can begin to trust them again. And if you betrayed your spouse, it is possible to restore their faith in you.
In today’s post, we’ll discuss some of the steps both of you will need to take in order to rebuild the trust in your marriage. It won’t be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.
FOR THE BETRAYED
As the betrayed spouse, you must be willing to forgive your husband or wife. It’s a bitterly painful experience to be betrayed by the person you love most in the world, and the betrayal can wreak havoc on your life.
Taking on the hard task of forgiveness is a huge challenge. Forgiveness happens gradually, in stages. You can’t snap your fingers and suddenly erase what your spouse has done, just because you’ve decided to forgive.
You must allow yourself the time to grieve, heal, and name the hurts in order to surrender your need to inflict hurt in retaliation.
In addition to maintaining a forgiving attitude toward your spouse, you must be open about the anxiety your spouse’s betrayal has caused.
Be honest about the times that you are most likely not to trust your spouse, and tell them the things that trigger your sense of betrayal.
As your spouse begins to prove his or her trustworthiness over again, you’ll have to discern when it’s time to start letting go of the offenses, a little at a time. This is part of your forgiveness process.
FOR THE BETRAYER
No matter what you have done to hurt your spouse, you must make yourself open and willing to answer any questions they may have.
It is likely that you’ll have to answer a lot of questions. And those questions may come up repeatedly over a period of time.
When you’ve betrayed the person who loves you most, assume that you have inflicted a great deal of anxiety, insecurity, and pain upon them.
Since the two of you are working together to restore trust, you’ll need to be willing to provide reassurance and security any time your spouse expresses a need for it–and then some.
For a time, you’ll need to make yourself accountable for your time and actions. This will feel invasive, but extra accountability is non-negotiable.
Accountability can hurt your pride, but leave your ego at the door.
It’s hard to have to earn your spouse’s trust after you have injured them. You’d rather them just take you at your word and begin trusting you again since you’ve apologized for your actions, but you have to be willing to surrender that.
You and your spouse will have to agree on boundaries that surround the offending people, activities, or places.
Keep temptations for repeat offenses completely off limits.
You must be 100% determined to stay accountable. With effort and time, accountability will play a major part in the restoration of your marriage.
So if your the accused how do you keep from feeling like your being attacked and alow your partner to ask the questions they need to for closure.
How do you let your defensive walls down if your the accused?