A successful and happy marriage is one that has open communication and involves two people who are keen to listen to each other. However, it is not uncommon for couples to argue once in a while. If one of the spouses refuses to listen to the other’s side, then you may have a problem. If this pattern continues, then your marriage might be at risk.
In a marriage, everyone should feel free to speak their mind and to express their feelings or thoughts. If your partner constantly gets angry if you disagree with them, then you’ve got a problem.
It is not normal for your partnerto constantly be angry or feel defensive when you disagrees with them. It is an indication of a deeper issue in your marriage that should be addressed immediately. You need to function as a team, and if they are unable to handle a disagreement, then you are not functioning as a cohesive unit.
It is healthy for any relationship (including a marriage) for each party to bring unique ideas and experiences to the relationship. Experiences as an individual are crucial in making the marriage strong. If one party is over dominant, then the marriage is set up to fail.
There are a variety of reasons why they might feel this way towards a disagreement. It could be fueled by past experiences that have caused trauma or pain. It could be an insecurity that has haunted them for years.
STEP 1: DE-ESCALATE THE EMOTIONS
When your partner disagrees with you and then starts to get fired up about it, it is hard to get them to cooperate. The best thing you can do is to pacify their emotions. You cannot respond to your angry spouse by being angry yourself. It would be better to recognize that they are angry and wait for them to eventually calm down.
This is a smart step towards de-escalating the problem. Disagreements happen in a marriage and when this happens to you, make sure you know how to diffuse the emotional intensity so you can get them to cooperate.
STEP 2: ASSET YOURSELF
It’s one thing to acknowledge that your partner is angry when rhey disagree with you. It’s another to let them keep you from having an opinion.
You and your partner won’t always be in agreement with each other. There will be certain points in your marriage when you have differing opinions. Asset yourself so that you can express your thoughts in a direct but respectful manner.
When you try to be assertive, it does not mean that you have to say hurtful things towards your partner. Make sure you still consider their feelings.
By taking the high road, you are showing your partner how to handle a similar situation – disagreeing in a respectful yet calm manner.
STEP 3: COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND
Communication is always a challenge when spouses have a disagreement. They are fueled by emotions which can cloud their ability to think rationally. When your partner disagrees with you and starts to become angry, communicate with them to help them understand the situation.
However, you need to do this in a constructive manner.
You don’t want to communicate by inflaming your partner’s anger. Make them feel heard and understood. In turn, encourage them to understand your own feelings too. Keep your communication with each other calm, clear, and compassionate.
STEP 4: BE PATIENT
Have you considered what is lurking behind that emotion of anger that they are exhibiting? They could be holding vulnerable emotions like fear, pain, or sadness. Is there something about what you are disagreeing with that is triggering those emotions in them?
Patience can go a long way in handling this situation. It is also crucial in controlling your own anger (which is a natural emotional response when your spouse exhibits anger towards you). Simply wait it out – do not speak or react to anything. Let the situation run its natural course; intervening too soon might only worsen the situation.
This is when the phrase “pick your battles” applies. You don’t always have to prove your spouse wrong.
STEP 5: ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR VARYING POINTS OF VIEW
The real threat to your marriage is not the disagreements, but how you handle those disagreements. If your partner is so aggressive in their disagreement with you, seek to understand why they feel that way.
For this to work, each of you must be committed to listening to each other’s ideas and opinions. If there is anything that you don’t understand, seek to clarify it. Do not interrupt when the other is speaking to give them a chance to fully explain their side.
STEP 6: UNDERSTAND THE SOURCE OF DISAGREEMENT
Active listening is one of the secrets to a successful marriage. It helps you gain an understanding as to why your spouse feels a certain way about something, or why they have adopted a certain viewpoint. Most disagreements have one major underlying theme. When you identify this, you can get down to the necessary steps to fix the issue.
STEP 7: FIND A COMPROMISE
Once you have acknowledged your varying viewpoints and identified the source of disagreement, you need to look for ways to reach a compromise. Each of you has to make a sacrifice at some point, but it is for the good of your marriage.
No marriage is perfect. Spouses will disagree about certain things. However, these disagreements should not be enough to threaten your marriage’s stability. Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your marriage instead.
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