Anger is an emotion that we all experience, and it signifies that something has to be done. Anger makes you aware that there is a problem. How you deal with your anger can become a big part of the problem. For some couples, anger can make it nearly impossible to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
DEALING WITH YOUR ANGER
😡Take time out to calm yourself enough to think about what you are angry about.
😡Own your anger. Remind yourself that your anger belongs to you and that it is telling you something about yourself. Anger is often directed at your partner, but it’s always more about you than about your partner. You can have valid complaints about your partner’s actions, but the emotion is yours.
😡Take time out to calm yourself enough to think about what you are angry about.
😡Own your anger. Remind yourself that your anger belongs to you and that it is telling you something about yourself. Anger is often directed at your partner, but it’s always more about you than about your partner. You can have valid complaints about your partner’s actions, but the emotion is yours.
😡Consider what other emotions are involved. Anger is a secondary emotion that often hides the primary or softer emotions. Examples of primary emotions are feeling sad, afraid, hurt, or rejected. Anger is often a defense against feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability is often seen as weakness; many of us were brought up to ignore vulnerabilities and push through problems.
In an ideal world, partners will take turns being upset. In the real world, we often get upset at the same time. This is where repair work becomes important. Practice apologizing, stay calm, and remind yourself why you are in the relationship and that you are in control of how you express your emotions.
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